bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize