True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
