Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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