just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
