It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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