dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
