I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
