he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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