Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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