so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
