My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
