I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
