Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
