This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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