Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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