cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
