I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we're making bets on your personal life
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
