I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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