Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
