So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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