Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
