And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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