i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize