but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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