One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
