it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can text with my tongue
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You are a genius and a whore.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize