I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
