so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
