i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
