I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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