the condom got lost in my hair
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
