The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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