life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bring me that man meat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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