I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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