no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
