I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need moral support for this bender
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i think my cat just said my name.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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