fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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