Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
