I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
