I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
