Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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