Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
