I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
