every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
