Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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