dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
