Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize