dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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