I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cut my penus on the lid.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
