why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
