My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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