The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just gargled with NyQuil
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
