it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
