He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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