what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize