No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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