Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
