We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I forgot how hot balto sounded
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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