...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
