I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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