sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
