You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
