Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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