I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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