After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You've changed since you got that strap on
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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