there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
