When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
