spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
