I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
